The Staying Put Emergency Poop

The shit has hit the fan and you. When you have to go, you have to go, right? The Staying Put Emergency Poop is all about managing hygiene, health, wellness, and well poop. What to do with it, where to do it, and so on.

Haleluya no Amazon associates links. Rushed this to the printers!

The 5 Gallons of Poop

A poopocalypse might hight you right in the guts and suddenly you look at the sink with forlorn eyes and rumbling bowels of desperation. Don’t fear, fairly comfortable emergency poops can be planned. You can have a super chemical toilet or a composting one (maybe you built it into your last home remodel) great!

This post is not about that, it’s simpler and for current COVID-19 preparedness (and anti-fearmongering)  All you need, for the basics, is:

• 5-Gallon bucket (old school metal paint buckets if you can find one) one or many of these, depends on the number of poopers.
• Thick-ish garbage bags, 7-mil, maybe double-bagged 3-mil or 5-mil. Many.
• Bleach. A few gallons.
• Kitty litter, cheap stuff. A bunch.
• Mask and gloves. Don’t handle throwing away or swapping poop bags without it.
• A large scoop, per bucket (for the kitty litter)
• Optional Optional wire wraps, or yarn, or something to tie used bags
• Optional toilet seat / cover. Let’s be elegant. One per bucket.
• Double optional, commode. The ones used by the elderly at home it looks like a walker with a toilet seat. Let’s be real real elegant. One or two. Each bucket doesn’t need one.
• Optional outdoor commode cover looks like a weird tent for standing up in.
• Optional, though highly recommended, doggy pee pads, you don’t want to miss and …

Most of this will fit in the bucket 🙂

Enjoying the Ride

Assuming that this is your first time on it, and you tested it for your weight while everything was fine and it was new and it had no feces in it.

Possible usage procedure:

1. Look down at it and contemplate what you are about to do.
2. Sigh.
3. Pour some kitty litter down.
4. Turn around, drop your bottoms, moon it and sit down.
5. Just enjoy it, at least you can poop in a bucket
6. errr, you already know the rest.
7. Spray some of your bleach on it.
8. Pour some more kitty litter down
9. Close lid, or cover with a piece of cardboard or some plywood.

The Walk of Shame

Possible quick disposal procedure:

1. Put face mask and gloves on (maybe even protective eyewear. Who wants pink eye?)
2. Take the optional toilet seat off.
3. Tie bag.
4. Take the bucket with the tied bag in it outside (I hope)
5. Dispose of the bag.
6. optional spray the inside of the bucket with your bleach solution (which you might have discovered works well in a spray bottle)
7. Go back in set it up again.

Conclusion

It sounds horrible, it sounds like I am making fun, it’s neither. You may be stuck in an emergency, you will need to poop. Why not prepare a bit?

Check out the article on the Duffle Cache it may work well with this one.